What it means to be internet famous

Now that my website has launched and my first blog post was quoted in my mother's conversation with my sister over Messenger (requires internet to use) the other day, I feel like I've made it.

Now, being internet famous isn't for everyone. Not everyone can handle the glitz and glam of writing alone in your room in your pyjamas, It takes a particular personality and plenty of guile to be a success like myself. I wake up at midday and spend the first three hours of my day reading the latest Reddit posts about what is making the biggest LOL on the website. I feel superior having seen it. I check my emails and see Amazon wants me to purchase and consume more products. They know I have the money to do so. I am elite.

Once I've scoffed down my McDonald's breakfast, I'm ready for work. Slippers on, computer on, I crack my knuckles and ready the world for my impending creativity. Smiling, I post on Twitter: "Hope you folks are ready for another war, because I'm carpet bombing this new essay on why the new Batman movie is BETTER than you think all over my website. Get excited!" After the replies pour in inquiring on what masterpiece I am crafting, my smile widens. Typing away, minute after minute, hour after hour, sipping tea, coffee, and orange squash, it's done. I upload the beauty and pop some champagne. Taking a shot, and forgetting all the other liquids I've already drunk, I piss.

It's all over my workplace. The desk, originally I creamy white, now, total yellow. My least favourite colour. The chair that held my rump while I wrote such hits as "Why Star Wars is actually an Ayn Rand wet dream" and "Superman: Hero or Superhero?", is no longer soggy from my Irish beer, but my own personal British beer.

All in a days work.